一年的申请季，在忙碌的10月，11月和12月中结束了。经历过申请季的学生和家长都有切实的感受，面对陌生，刁钻甚至奇葩的题目，很多学生都觉得无从下手。而随着近年来，越来越多的学生，因准备充分，特别在自己获奖经历上，增加了很多色彩，这些奖项上的盲目攀比已经没有任何意义。而且随着很多机构对学生文章的过度包装，譬如：用华丽的辞藻或者刻意的感人的情节。

本科招生委员会综合2014年和2015年的美国本科申请经验提到，要写好这些“我是什么样的一个人”留学作文，最关键是讲你和别人不一样的地方在哪里。让对方在雪花般的入学申请中，选中“最特别的你”和“最真实的你”。

哪些方面是最真实的自己？我们从顶级名校的招生官的评语中来看，学校喜欢看到哪些内容。

【范例1】

I like that Quan shares a piece of his life and one of his passions that we may not have known otherwise with us in the essay: music. He ties his innate love of music back to his family and makes a really powerful connection between music and language. He captures the reader’s attention from the first few sentences by rrzcms the story of his family into an expansion on one of his favorite activities.

我非常高兴Quan 在他的文章中提到了音乐是他生活的一部分，也是他的激情所在，这在其他文章中并不常见。他对音乐的热爱源于他的家庭，并且使音乐与语言紧密相连。仅从开头描写他在家中逐渐膨胀的对音乐的热爱，他的文书就已紧紧吸引了招生官的注意力。

【范例2】

“The running theme through Leila’s essay is her interest in a variety of topics and subjects, which makes it easy to picture her thriving in the open curriculum and interdisciplinary learning style at the university. She also makes connections between her eclectic interest and opportunities on campus like research at the Applied Physics Lab, reviving the university philosophy journal, and clubs like the Hopkins Feminists. It is not hard to picture her being a contributor to campus in and out of the classroom.”

贯穿Leila整篇文章的线索就是她对不同活动和学科的兴趣，这就不难想象她在大学进行课外活动时旺盛的精力和学习各种学科时的方式。她也喜欢把广泛的兴趣用在校园的活动中，譬如应用物理实验室的研究，重振大学哲学杂志或者像霍普金斯主义这样的俱乐部。你很容易就能勾勒出她在课堂内外那种活跃的形象。

【范例3】

“I often read essays where the student writes about someone who has influenced their life. Admissions officers want to get a better understanding of YOU. These essays can be tricky because there is a tendency to focus on the person who has influenced you, instead of focusing on how you have been changed. Jacqueline did a fantastic job of focusing on how her brother has shaped HER life. Her writing style is personable with vivid parallels and divergences between herself and her twin. The reader feels like they are on a journey through Jacqueline’s life in just a few hundred words. This essay captivated me with details that would not have shown up at any other point in the application. We get a sense of passion and purpose about her that reminds us of the energy Hopkins students bring to campus.”

我经常在文书中看到学生写某个人是如何影响自己的人生这类的话题。但是招生官想要了解的是你这个人。这样的文章很容易造成一种倾向，就是学生过度将注意力放在影响自己的那个人，反而忽略了自己是如何改变的。这一点，Jacqueline就做得很出色。她着重突出了她的哥哥是如何塑造了自己的人生。她描述了她和双胞胎哥哥之间的相似和差异，这就让她的文章变得真实而生动。招生官们通过短短几百字的文章，就能感受到她人生的旅程。在众多的申请文章中，这篇文章正是因为细节而吸引了我。我们意识到，她的激情和追求就是我们想要注入霍普金斯的血液。

从事升学指导这么多年来，我有见过很多让我感动、对我本人也有深刻影响的文章。依旧收藏在我的笔记本电脑。我依旧记得第一美国本科申请的学生和我一起奋战写的《孔夫子也摇滚》-阐述了文化的冲突对自己的冲击，以及自己是如何突破。去年我们帮助楼同学申请到西北大学本科录取就是阐述同父异母的弟弟对自己的影响和自己的改变，这些孩子的录取让我们更加坚信招生官更加喜欢一些具化的阐述。以下是我对学生写作的几点建议：

concise 少而精 – many essays; not life story

honest 说实话 – you’re not perfect

unique 原创 – tell story only you can tell

vivid 生动 – be specific; small + detailed focus

likeable 吸引人的- could you fit in?